Vivian Girls: the cutest hermaphrodites you'll ever hear

The Vivian Girls are a group of seven or more sisters with penises. They go around The Realms of the Unreal and fight evil, sadistic adults with the help of Blengins, or dragon-like protectors of children that are both terrifying and kind.

But that’s the world created by Henry Darger, an outsider with seemingly no knowledge of the female form; this is a punky shoegazy female trio on the Los Angeles based label In The Red.

This reissue of a previously limited edition pressing off of Mauled By Tigers is actually the latest object of my desire. I’ve spent the last couple of days listening to this album and only this album on a continuous loop, trying to figure out why I’m so exited to see them when they play with Love is All at the SLO Arts Center on Nov. 19. Aside from the usual reason of being in love with female rock bands, which is plenty enough reason for this here cowboy, I’ve decided that what really turns me on is the fuzz.

It’s fuzzy for real. The album is like hopping into a pile of sleeping Shiba Inu puppies and telling all of them about your day as they paw at your tummy, hair and socks.

Furthermore, the rock factor is off the charts on this album as the girls create a wall of fuzzed out guitar, bass and vocals so that the only aspect that tells you how hard you should dance is the snare and tambourine. So as I sway, bop and rock on my bed of puppies, I want to listen to more than just my typical, cynical views of love and sexuality be spit back at me. Because that is no conversation I want to have with puppies who have yet to learn the cold hard ways of the world.

Fortunately, the band has adopted my favorite emotion: passivity. Even as they sing about childish crushes, they seem very distant, letting the music tell a different story with a droned out sound and danceable two beat drum patterns. Such songs as “Wild Eyes” and “Tell the World” are like your first kiss with the foreknowledge that you will probably break up in about a month or two. It’s magic, but with reason. Like a book of matches in a dark closet. Like a long hard day with puppies to come home to. It’s cynical hope.

So here is why I’m exited to see Vivian Girls perform. For all these reasons and more, I feel that it will be acceptable to take and/or meet that special someone at this show. This show will certainly be the one that will inspire the most missed connections. I’m willing to put money on it. And even if there aren’t any about you, there is still a streaming video of puppies that would love to hear about your day and your favorite new band.