Janice EdmanI have a group of guy friends who went to Prague, Czech. a while ago, and, as any group of American guys in Prague would do, they hopped off the train and immediately found the sleaziest strip club possible. Much to their collective delight, they realized it wasn’t just a strip club, as prostitution is completely legal over there. Suffice it to say that more than one ended up throwing down some hard-earned cash for a half hour in the Eastern European version of a champagne room (actually a badly lit, recently used bathroom). The only honest one among them explained to me how he justified to the others why it was OK to pay for sex. He rationalized that when you take a girl out on a date, you will probably drop (depending on how generous or desperate you are) close to the same amount of money on food, flowers, movie tickets, etc. as they had spent on the prostitutes. So the universe was properly aligned again.
Although I don’t necessarily condone paying money for sex, I have to admit the guy had a point. A person can spend hundreds of dollars in the dating game only to enter into a relationship that costs hundreds and hundreds of dollars more. And, to be clear, it’s not because the bitch is breaking the bank … or the dude, in some rare (but pathetic) cases, is breaking the bank.
In fact, girls often end up spending even more than guys in the initial rounds of dating. My steadfast rule is to not let him see me in any outfit more than once in the first month, and as an extension, hair and makeup must be flawless at all times (awake, asleep, even passed out – which is pretty hard to pull off). This can lead to some very high credit card bills (and some very happy commissioned sales people). Meanwhile, the guy pretty much just has to wear a shirt without too many holes in it and buy a few rounds of drinks.
Of course, then there are date nights, which my carnal buddy in Prague was referring to. Guys, I can relate: You spend 60 bones on dinner, 20 on movie tickets, 10 more on snacks and then she has the nerve to tell you she has to get up early the next day. Naturally, you feel a little put out – at least a prostitute has to give up the goods, and she doesn’t even get Junior Mints.
One might hope the financial strain will ease up once the couple becomes officially established. Lord, what fools these mortals be. In a relationship, two people fuse their lives together to create one complete whole. This also means a lot of icy glares across the table when the bill comes – which part of the whole is coughing up for this 80th dinner at Yanagi’s, anyway? This doesn’t even take into account the birthdays, anniversaries and holidays that require presents, not to mention the times you accidentally let slip how hot you think the waitress is and flowers are immediately needed to rectify the situation. And let’s not forget hot tubs at Sycamore, hotel rooms on vacation, etc. No wonder we’re all broke-ass – it has nothing to do with tuition; it’s a direct result of these forays into relationships.
But then again, does your bank account do that awesome thing with its tongue? Probably not (but try it and let me know how it works out).
Janice Edman is an English senior and a Mustang Daily columnist.