With so much going on these days that is newsworthy, it’s about time somebody wrote a piece that simply isn’t. What follows is a mind-boggling truth that will change your world forever.
It doesn’t take a keen observer to notice the increasing volatility of today’s political debates. You might ask yourself, why? I can say with confidence that I know the answer to all of America’s political problems. It can be summarily attributed to the lack of beer consumption. Snicker if you will, but I implore you to consider history. All of the greatest minds once collaborated in alehouses to discuss matters of political, social and scientific import. To use the most over-marketed Benjamin Franklin quote, “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” It is only recently, with the invention of cafés, that the American sociopolitical realm has been taken over by the chaos that we know today. Glorious were the days when our government officials lost sleep over moral issues, and not because they were hopped up on caffeine.
I propose that we make beer more readily available to our representatives on the hill so that we may know peace in our time. Do I have any analytical basis for these claims? The answer is a resounding no, but you’ll thank me one day when the president orders a draft and the farthest anyone has to go is the tap. Ask not what your country can do for you, but what a brew can do for your country.