The Love Out Loud Campaign, a senior project by several Cal Poly students, aims to spread awareness for depression and suicide with guest speakers, music, crafts and art on Feb. 26.
Carly Smoot and Rachel Dulaney, both English seniors, decided to start the first Love Out Loud because of their own personal experiences — Smoot lost a friend to suicide, and Dulaney battled depression. After coming up with the idea, the two enlisted the help of Rachel Egan, a journalism senior; Samantha Reynard, an English senior; and graphic communication seniors Aubrea Felch and Laina Reginelli to bring the idea of love, hope and positive self expression to people struggling with depression and suicide.
“We all have a positive self expression form that helps us cope with these different issues in whatever capacity that we struggle with them, personally or not,” Smoot said. “We wanted to encourage people to find positive, healthy outlets beyond the issue, and then build a community based around those ideas.”
To promote communication and awareness, Love Out Loud features many different routes of expression as outlets for those feelings. Headlining speaker Kevin Hines, who survived jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge and Cal Poly alumnus Riley Arthur, whose friend Frances Chang committed suicide, will speak at the event. There will also be bands and dancers.
Smoot said the guests and vendors participating in the event also have their own inspirational stories to tell.
“These are people that we picked because they have a heart for this stuff, but also because they’re incredibly passionate,” Smoot said. “And they were people that had a dream, and a lot of people told them they couldn’t do it.”
The need for awareness of depression in college students is very real. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 1 in 4 American adults 18 and older live with a mental illness. Of the people who die as a result of suicide, 90 percent have a mental illness, including substance abuse disorder or a depressive disorder.
Additionally, San Luis Obispo and Santa Barbara counties have a higher prevalence of suicide than the California average, said Cami Rouse, a family advocate for Transitions-Mental Health Association (TMHA). TMHA aims to educate individuals with mental illness and their families about their disorders and offer help when needed.
Rouse said the effects of mental illness are a “very scary feeling” for those who do not understand it.
“You feel alone, you feel confused, you’re exhausted,” Rouse said. “And also, there’s a lot of stigma associated. It takes a lot of courage, our clients tell us, to walk through our door for the first time. We’ve had several clients tell us that they’ve come and sat in our parking lot three or four times before they walked through our doors.”
TMHA also aims to fight that stigma with the SLO the Stigma campaign, a sponsor of Love Out Loud. By introducing the community to the reality and even normalcy of mental illness, SLO the Stigma pushes to provide hope, awareness and help to those with mental illnesses. In conjunction with the program and TMHA, the SLO Hotline also offers a 24/7, anonymous resource for individuals seeking help.
Rouse said an important issue beyond just the stigma of mental health issues is drug abuse. People with mental illnesses who abuse drugs can have drug-induced psychosis, even with drugs like marijuana. In fact, teens at risk for a psychological brain disorder are four times more likely to develop a mental illness when smoking marijuana.
“A tricky thing with drugs, and alcohol too, is sometimes you don’t know what came first — the chicken and the egg kind of concept — you don’t know if someone is self medicating because they have a mental health issue in their teens or early 20s’s or they had drug-induced psychosis that then manifested in mental illness,” Rouse said. “It could happen either way and that’s why it’s so important to consume responsibly, to know the risk factors and make good choices.”
The Cal Poly chapter of Friday Night Live (SLOFNLP), a nonprofit San Luis Obispo group for drug abuse prevention, is also a sponsor of the event.
Kristi Vail, a psychology junior and Friday Night Live chapter president, said she wanted Love Out Loud to provide awareness about self-medicating with drugs. Vail also said she wanted to continue the Love Out Loud program for her own senior project in order to further provide awareness.
“I’m going to take it as my senior project and make it a nonprofit,” Vail said. “(There’s) just a lot of background in my family of self-medication, and that’s why I got involved with Friday Night Live.”
In addition to depression and self-medication, Love Out Loud also focuses on suicide prevention. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 33,000 people die from suicide a year, making it the second leading cause of death among college students.
Rouse said indicators of suicidal thoughts are the giving away of possessions, writing thank you notes for no apparent reason, not sleeping for days at a time and withdrawing from school, family and friends. Rouse also said those who attempt suicide do not want to die; rather, they feel like they have to.
“In that moment, it’s very difficult to remember that it gets better,” Rouse said. “But it does get better. I (have) a coworker who has attempted twice, and the way he explains it to me is that it’s like a darkness completely invades his body, and he can’t see any type of light whatsoever.”
However, it’s not only the person who attempts to commit suicide who is affected. Smoot, with her personal experience of loss, said she felt confusion and blame after the loss of her friend.
“You look back and go, ‘What could I have done differently? Why didn’t I see that?’” Smoot said. “And obviously, suicide isn’t one person’s fault, but when you’re just coming out of that, you just want to find an answer because it’s so hard to understand.”
Rouse said people who are depressed, and possibly considering suicide should seek help because recovery is possible, although it was not considered to be before.
“People with mental health issues can go on and live the lives they imagined for themselves,” Rouse said. “But here’s the thing too — it’s very individual based. Recovery for one person is just getting out of bed in the morning. Recovery for another is graduating from college or having a family or having the career they imagined for themselves.”
Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersexual or asexual (LGBTQIA) students often have this feeling of loneliness and pressure, which is shown with the influx of suicides in the community. Rouse said those in the LGBTQIA community are four times more likely to commit suicide than heterosexuals. If the individual comes from an unsupportive family or community, he or she is nine times more likely to commit suicide.
Kris Gottlieb, an Americorps VIP for the Pride Center, said she thought it was alarming that people were not outraged by the amount of suicides in the LGBTQIA community, though the national epidemic gained media attention with Tyler Clementi’s suicide in 2010.
“This epidemic is nothing new,” Gottlieb said. “The only thing that’s new is the media sensationalism. For some reason, our culture was ready to hear about what really was happening in the LGBT community as far as depression and hopelessness.”
Though Gottlieb said the media was paying more attention to LGBTQIA suicides, she felt the media attention has since stopped while the epidemic has not.
One reason for the high level of suicide might be the rate of homeless LGBTQIA youth — one in four youths who come out to their families are kicked out of their homes, Gottlieb said.
“Not only are these children facing incredible amounts of rejection (and) feelings of hopelessness, but they are also facing hunger, economic failure,” Gottlieb said. “When we’re children, we’re supposed to feel free to learn, and we’re supposed to be encouraged to grow and be healthy individuals. But a lot of times, when these youths are rejected by their families, even if it’s temporary, all of those things that should be given to us as children are just ripped away. You no longer have that innocence of childhood anymore.”
Gottlieb said youths who are rejected start to get situational depression, which can resemble clinical depression after a long period of time. For those LGBTQIA youths looking for help, Cal Poly and San Luis Obispo offer many services. The Pride Center offers resources, as well as the PRISM Peer Counseling Program. Additionally, there is the SARP Center, which provides anonymous help to any individual who may have been a victim of sexual violence.
Homosexual students and individuals are not the only victims.
Cal Poly was once rocked with a suicide that changed many students’ world. Senior Frances Chang committed suicide in fall 2008, shocking the campus and her sorority, Gamma Phi Beta. Those who knew her said she was a beautiful, warm girl who did not appear to be depressed.
Kathleen Lee, a graphic communication alumna and a former member of Chang’s sorority, said Chang was an idol for her and other pledges that year.
“Everyone was drawn to her and everyone had a girl crush on her, but everyone thought she was way too cool to be their friend,” Lee said. “She gave so much of herself that clearly she didn’t take care of herself. She was kind of like a lightning bolt of energy.”
Kristina Benvenuto, a graphic communication junior and the president of Gamma Phi Beta, said though many of the sorority members who knew Chang personally have graduated, the sorority still seeks to spread her memory. Annually, the sorority holds a benefit walk, the Forward for Frances Memorial Walk, which benefits the many charities Chang supported. The sorority donated $250 to the Love Out Loud Campaign after Benvenuto heard about it.
“This is something I really (wanted) Gamma Phi to be involved with,” Benvenuto said. “And our girls were automatically like, ‘Yes, let’s do it. Let’s help.’”
Lee said she hoped with events like Love Out Loud and Forward for Frances, people unacquainted with suicide will rise above the stigma it sometimes creates.
“I think people should try to educate themselves on both depression and suicide before passing judgement on someone,” Lee said. “There’s a lot more that someone who’s not depressed just can’t ever understand. People should get to know the backstory, and also understand that it’s not something that will ever make sense.”
Felch, the digital media and Web organizer of Love Out Loud, said she was Chang’s lab partner freshman year, and felt that if Chang had more support and had been able to express her feelings, things might have turned out differently.
“People that seem to have it all together, they can be the worst of it,” Felch said. “If she felt comfortable talking to people or people felt comfortable talking to her, it could have been different. Well, I would hope.”
Felch herself knows what it’s like to hide pain and depression with a happy, bubbly facade. Felch said after her father died the summer before her senior year of high school, she experienced an extended bout of depression.
“I saw myself as weak; I didn’t see potential in myself; I didn’t see hope in the future,” Felch said. “I couldn’t see the good in other people, which I knew was such a big one because I’m such a people-person. It was basically like a canvas of depression.”
Felch said she had a hard time dealing with her depression, often not eating and feeling unmotivated to do the things she once enjoyed. She kept up a happy image in order to hide her true feelings. Yet, her facade did not help with her depression.
“The ones I was closest too, I kind of mentioned I was going through a hard time, but I am also an actress,” Felch said. “I kept up sort of my exterior and also sometimes that helped me to get back into feeling better. I felt like I was lying to people sometimes.”
Yet, Felch said after seeking help from a grief counselor and taking medication, she realized the extent and normalcy of her depression. She said over time, she was able to accept her grief and take care of herself again.
“Now I wake up every day and I say, ‘You know what? This is incredible,’” Felch said. “Now it’s just like I can wake up and be OK and happy. I don’t know if I’ll ever be depressed again, but I know now I can get past it.”
The message of Love out Loud is the importance of communication and compassion. Egan said she hoped the Love Out Loud message would continue for years to come.
“I would love to do Love Out Loud for the rest of my life — that’s my dream,” Egan said. “But it will spend a few years at Cal Poly getting developed as senior projects. By the time it expands, there will be a comprehensive library of Love Out Louds.”
Felch said she hoped, ultimately, the concert would show depressed students, and maybe those considering suicide, that life is still beautiful and worthwhile.
“There are seasons, and they do pass, and there is hope,” Felch said. “To also know you’re not alone. That helps to know that you’re not crazy.”
Tickets for Love Out Loud are still on sale and today there will be a booth where those interested can pick up a small fabric heart to pin on their sleeve. The fair starts on Saturday at 4 :30 p.m. in Chumash Auditorium.