Lauren RabainoRun a mile as fast as you can: 135 beats per minute. Ride a rollercoaster: 153 beats per minute. Peruse the Internet for new shoes: 70 beats per minute. Sit in a desk chair two minutes before class enrollment: 200 beats per minute.
Cal Poly’s class registration, since I’ve been here, has gone from bad to worse. This quarter was the straw that broke the mustang’s back, so to speak. Classes disappeared faster than pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving, and the majority of students were left asking themselves, “What now?”
“Waitlist” is now a part of the freshman vernacular. “Graduating senior” is a card that even sophomores are trying to pull. And I’ve even heard rumors of bribery between students. I, myself, have instructed a friend to not drop a class, in which she is registered and I am on the waitlist for, until the day of class so that I can improve my chances of enrollment.
So, besides a few sly tricks, what can we do? Hell if I know. I have been thinking though. In fact, I have given more thought to this problem than to my actual classes. I have a few solutions that I don’t think will solve the problem, but maybe ease students into a trend that I don’t foresee going away anytime soon.
1. Pick up a few dozen minors. I would give some serious thought to expanding your repertoire. I mean, who knows, not being able to get into your major classes may be a blessing in disguise. A communications major may be upset that she has to take dairy science just to maintain her “full time student” status, but it might be her true calling. She would never have found this out if Cal Poly hadn’t made it impossible to get any class that she needed. So fish around, become proficient in everything.
2. Get used to introducing yourself as an Ultra-Splendid-Terrific-Fabulous-Wonderful-Tremendous-Marvelous-Superb-Brilliant-Excellent-Fantastic-Super Senior. You’re going to be here awhile. Make a T-shirt, tote bag and sweatpants that say “super senior” over your butt. At least we can try to make the best of having to spend 12 extra years in college, and maybe profit a little too (people love pants with words on their butt, especially words they can identify with).
3. Call the hospital and see if they can keep an extra liver for you on reserve. For how long you’re going be here binge drinking every weekend, your liver will suffer and possibly give out from exhaustion.
4. Take a few hours each week to prepare yourself for the “Dear John” letter coming from your parents ending your relationship. In their eyes you will be a failure who has depleted their bank accounts. Don’t worry though, you can rest your crying eyes on the shoulder of Sallie Mae. She isn’t too picky about who she lends money to, and believe you me, you’ll be needing it.
All in all, school is going to take longer for all of us. Between switching majors and not being able to enroll in the classes that we want and need, it looks like Cal Poly students have a tough road to hoe. Look on the bright side though, the longer we stay in school the longer we can postpone attempting the impossible: finding a job in a sluggish economy.
Rachel Newman is an English junior. “That’s What She Said” takes a fresh and lighthearted look at issues at Cal Poly and in San Luis Obispo. The column appears bi-weekly on Mondays.