I am religious. Yes, I know sex columnist and churchgoer don’t seem to go well together. But I have to admit, I am a bit of a sinner when it comes to the cardinal rule of no sex before marriage. Now, not all churches view sex before marriage, or sex not for reproductive purposes, as a one-way ticket to hell, but like many others, mine does.
Back in the day, I went to a private, religiously affiliated elementary school. When I was growing up in school, dressed in my adorable jumper and collared shirt, I was taught that sex was only to make babies. It took me a while to figure out that this might be the biggest lie ever told to children besides the existence of Santa Claus. The fear of sex is implanted in children before hormones even rev up, and I was no exception to this scare tactic.
In sixth grade I switched schools and I immediately got a crash course in sex-ed, public school style. I learned quickly that BJ wasn’t some kid’s name. My friend who also switched schools with me was shocked to discover you can’t get pregnant by kissing for too long. When I was in eighth grade a girl was caught giving head in the bathroom, and by 16, my peers were driving home at lunch for afternoon delights. This rush of sexual knowledge and exposure confused me. Would I too succumb to this world of sin and sex?
I did. Perhaps not to the level of promiscuity I was seeing at school, but nonetheless, I chose to have sex before marriage. So where did I go wrong? Well, I don’t think anywhere, really. And I’m confident I’m not alone in this tangled moral web. I know many people who believe in God and sex. These are people who believe that sex, and the hormone-driven urge behind it, is an unstoppable and normal part of life. These people also follow their faith. But how do people with these conflicting beliefs satisfy their souls and their loins? This is where the dilemma lies, and the guilt mounts.
Sex before marriage can be rationalized in many ways. One of these includes taking responsibility for your sexual actions. Being knowledgeable and willingly responsible for all of the possible repercussions including STDs, pregnancy and heartbreak. But still, the Bible is pretty clear on its no sex before marriage policy.
Saving sex for marriage is a noble concept, but this kind of sheltering is outdated and slightly impractical in modern society. During the time periods when people were often married at 18 or younger, saving yourself for marriage was realistic. Eighteen years. That’s it. But now, people aren’t getting married until their late 20s, even their 30s. A 30-year-old virgin is a little more difficult to imagine.
I have the utmost respect for people who are strong enough to diverge from temptation in favor of their beliefs. To put morals before desires for years is a challenge I cannot even fathom. But turning down sex for Christ isn’t for the casually religious or your Christmas and Easter church crowd. A devotion to abstinence for religious purposes requires a serious commitment and belief that sex should wait until marriage. Even with this dedication, some of the most avid churchgoers occasionally submit to the temptation of the forbidden touch.
I’ve come a long way since my innocent elementary school days, but I don’t regret surrendering to seduction. I truly don’t believe that having sex makes you a bad person. Religious and sexual beliefs should be able to coexist.
Denise Nilan is a journalism senior and the Mustang Daily’s sex and relationship columnist.