Do you remember when I shaved my head? My hair has grown out a lot since October, so I understand if you don’t. It’s not something one does everyday, so I anticipated most of the comments I ended up getting — “Your head is so round!;” “You look like Natalie Portman!;” “It’s so cool that you did that for charity!;” “Wow, I’d never be brave enough to shave my head!” The one response I wasn’t prepared for was yours.
“I can’t believe your boyfriend let you do that.”
You, my friend, are the possessive significant other, and with all due respect, you can suck it.
You are the guy who will beat the shit out of the drunk guy downtown who is a bit too handsy with your girlfriend, not because you are particularly chivalrous or desire to prevent a similar assault on other unsuspecting ladies, but because damn it, that fine ass is yours. I’m surprised you don’t just pee on her to ward off potential competitors.
You are the girl who threatens to leave her boyfriend if he grows out that handlebar mustache he’s been joking about. Seriously? Your relationship can’t withstand the forces of … facial hair? What a magical connection you two must have.
I guess, in your defense, you can’t really help it. Society has been conditioning you to accept this relationship-equals-ownership thing since before you discovered you could claim a cookie just by licking it (obvious innuendo? Check). When did the word “taken” become synonymous with “involved?”
“Are you single or taken?” Why, is someone looking to buy me? If I’m already “taken,” can you get a rain check, or at the very least an e-mail to inform you when a new shipment comes in? And then there’s that line “Jerry Maguire” made famous: “You complete me.” Ick. Being considered someone’s “other half” is not only cheesy, it’s insulting. Was I not a fully formed person for the first 14 years of my life? Am I reduced to a lower life form after a breakup? Do I turn into a tree or something?
The problem is really the mentality behind all of this. You should want to defend your girlfriend, and you should want your boyfriend to look good. But it needs to be about them, not you. And yeah, you should feel upset if you find out they’re cheating on you. Not because someone else got to have sex that was rightfully yours, but because someone you had once respected betrayed your trust. When it comes down to it, you don’t have any control over your significant other, and he or she can do whatever the hell he or she wants. Hopefully you’re involved with someone who keeps you in mind when making these sorts of important decisions.
I’m not taken, I’m unavailable. And I’m not looking for someone to complete me, but someone to complement me. Someone whose personality meshes well with mine, who I can work well with and be independent from.
And someone who thinks bald chicks are hot.
Jenna Ray is an English senior and Mustang Daily columnist.