Nick Larson and Jake Devincenzi
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Kinesiology senior Nick Larson and aerospace engineering senior Jake Devincenzi are Mustang News beer columnists.
For many of you legal drinkers out there, the deadline for college shenanigans and entrance into the real world is quickly closing in on you. There are only three weeks left in the quarter, and after you complete this last circuit of finals, you know the day you have been dreading will finally be upon you.
Since your freshman year, friends and family have asked what you want to do with your life, where you want to get a job, what your major is preparing you for and what your plans are after you graduate. You’ve casually brushed them off with statements such as “I’ll figure it out” or “something will come up,” then hung up the phone and cracked open another beer. But mid-May is quickly turning into late May. And you know what comes after late May? Graduation. And you still have no idea what the answer is to any of those questions.
Fear not, our lovely, devoted readers, because we have the answer to all of your prayers. Your parents want you to further your education; you want to continue drinking beer every day of the week. ¿Por qué no los dos?
Without further ado, here is the list of the top three schools you had no idea you really wanted to attend for graduate school.
Auburn University
You know what’s really cool? Saying you have a master’s degree. You know what’s even cooler? Getting your master’s degree in beer. You would literally become a beer master.
As far as their beer education opportunities go, Auburn offers a graduate program in which students are prepared to enter into the malting, brewing and/or distilling industries. They’ve also partnered up with Oskar Blues Brewery, which we assume means any keggers you throw are required to be with 15+ gallons of Deviant Dale’s IPA, provided by the brewery. They also allow students to spend a weekend at one of the Oskar Blues Breweries for “educational purposes.” Basically, if you want a master’s, don’t mind Alabama and want a lot of Oskar Blues beer, Auburn might just be the grad school for you.
Pros: Master’s degree. Cool partnership opportunities. Variety of courses in biology, microbiology, chemistry, brewing science, agronomy, facilities and operations and business planning.
Cons: Alabama.
Oregon State University
It’s a well-known fact that Oregon is one of the greatest states in this country for craft beer, college football and dudes marrying dudes (seriously, props to Oregon on legalizing love). But did you know Oregon State has one of the top fermentation science research programs in the world? Granted, we can imagine University of Southern California’s “Intro to Pounding Natty” class didn’t put up much of a fight, and University of California, Santa Barbara’s “How to Drink Vodka Without Starting a Riot” was technically under the Criminal Justice Department. But it’s still a pretty cool feat.
Pros: You’re in Oregon, which means you are always within 30 feet of a brewery.
Cons: A lot of the classes are online, so you won’t be physically making beer. Though you will be home on your couch, drinking beer … OK, this might not be a con.
University of California, San Diego
This is by far the coolest option if you realistically want to take this route with your post-grad life. It’s a three-part curriculum, comprising more than 10 different classes. The first part of your education is titled “The Science and Education of Brewing.” This allows you to take classes such as “Wort Production and Recipe Formulation,” which basically sounds like the coolest class imaginable. Once you finish these 18 units, you move on to learning about the business side of the beer-brewing world. These classes include “Marketing and Distribution” and “Financial Management for Breweries.” Finally, you end your education with an internship. Yes, a beer-brewing internship. We would make jokes about this, but we are busy filling out applications.
Pros: See above.
Cons: You eventually do need to graduate.
California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo
Nothing. Seriously, Cal Poly, wine is cool and all, but this is America. Teaching about wine and not beer would be like having a soccer team that’s better than your football team.