Ryan ChartrandCaffeinated cramming sessions. Pert professors. Lamented love affairs. On the list of cliches under the heading of “unifying college experiences,” there’s a major one that most of us won’t ever forget when we think back to our college days:
The fond (or repulsive) recollection of our merriment and misadventures with roommates.
Freshman year, it’s you and your dorm mate. You share a cozy 12-by-12 space with another terrified freshman who tries, as you do, to make the best of the new experience by hanging posters on every spare square inch of brick wall, and stocking the mini-fridge with drinks (like water).
Dorm-roommate stories cover every genre, from horror to epic to romance. Maybe you get along with your roomie swimmingly; or you spend most of your time out socializing for the sole purpose of avoiding him or her; or you are plainly indifferent to each other, but take care to mind when there’s a scrunchie on the doorknob.
Then you move on, perhaps to sophomore on-campus residencies or migrate into the big scary off-campus world of leases and landlords. Presuming you have some choice in your living arrangement, it’s a sensible, easy route to pick a group of friends with whom you get along. right?
So you may think!
Whether you’re an apartment nomad or you’ve had the same roommate since dorm life; whether you live with one other roomie or five; and whether you have designated dinner nights or keep entirely to yourselves, living with roommates in college proves this truth: you can’t live with just anybody, no matter how fond you are of each other.
In relationships, the same rule applies: just because you love each other to pieces doesn’t necessarily mean you can live together.
For example: generally speaking, having a good, solid friendship seems like golden ground upon which to build a steady roommate-ship. But even the closest of BFFs won’t know they can share a kitchen, bedroom and-bathroom without killing each other.
In the same way, having a healthy, stable relationship (and obviously, mutual desire) seems like enough rationale to move in; but you may not really know your significant other as well as you’d like to think.
If we could set up a camera to scrutinize our own behavior with for a 24-hour period, we would end up with a video chock-full of the little quirks and idiosyncrasies potential roommates would have to live with.
Some examples? You use a new cup every time you get a drink from the kitchen. You leave your socks in little corners in the bedroom and forget you ever took them off. You are loyal to the sacred order in which you perform your preparatory morning bathroom rituals.
Your friend or your boyfriend/girlfriend would have to spend 24 hours a day with you for at least a few weeks to fully acclimate to your peculiarity, and vice versa (unless you’re really a terror, in which case, it will either take no time at all, or much, much longer).
It’s a process that takes time and a ton of patience. When you get along with someone so well, you predict only the best for a cohabiting arrangement; but you’ll never know until you live it.
When it comes to romantic relationships and cohabitation, love isn’t necessarily enough.
To address the so-called statistics: the psycho-babble – the psychological findings that become misconstrued on their way into the mainstream – on cohabitation is complex and shouldn’t be reduced to if-then logic. Living together before marriage does not “cause” divorce. The correlations stand on their own and need context to be understood.
Moving in together is a huge step in a relationship. It means a new sense of obligation, of responsibility; it means that in a way, you will be answering to one other person, and he or she will be answering to you.
Harmony is possible. as long as you both know what to expect.
Of course, there are fundamental living habits to get used to. Perhaps he/she goes to bed at 9:30 pm. and you’re up at 1:30 a.m.; he or she likes to eat dinner at 6 p.m. on the dot, and you sometimes just snack; he or she thinks everything has its place, while you have a “less structured” philosophy.
Also, your autonomy will be. “observed,” if not monitored. Knowing someone is waiting for you when you get home at night is a basic human need; but, at the same time, there’s some degree of pressure in having to account for your whereabouts to each other (hopefully not to excess).
Your spending habits, too, will directly affect your live-in love. This isn’t to say you’re going so far as to open a joint checking account; but when you become half-responsible for your mutual rent, utilities, groceries, and other basics, money becomes an issue you must share.
Living together has the potential to either strengthen or weaken even the most compatible of relationships. Of the myriad things to think about, perhaps the most important thing to keep in mind is this: it takes concerted effort and mutual understanding as well as love and affection to keep any relationship – between roommates, significant others, or both – happy and functioning.
Sarah Carbonel is an English and psychology junior and Mustang Daily dating columnist.