I hate couples.
I hate their happiness, I hate the way they hold hands and I especially hate how they rub their non-singledom in my — and other singles’ — face. Even when I was a member of a couple, I hated other couples.
I hate couples.
However, I cannot keep from wanting to be the other half of some beautifully romantic duo — hopefully one that does not need to prove said love with suicide. My contempt, I feel, acts as a veil for my own emerald jealousy (or something literary like that; I think it is actually envy that is supposed to be green, though).
Jealousy, though not over something quite so petty as couple happiness, ultimately acts as a kind of dark passenger in even the most seemingly happy relationships. Here are two reader-submitted relationship dilemmas, and my advice for eliminating the jealousy that characterizes them.
Dilemma #1: “I recently started dating this guy that I’ve been friends with for a long time. But now that we are dating, he is getting jealous of my other guy friends because I have a lot of them. He gets mad when I’m texting or Facebooking these other guy friends and, also, a little bit when I say, Hi! to them at school. What should I do?”
Attractive friends of the opposite gender, or even perhaps the same gender, do seem threatening at times. My ex for example, often got jealous of my co-workers, and sometimes my female friends, if I spent too much time with them. But that was only because of his own insecurities.
You just need to set your boundaries with him. As long as nothing scandalous is happening with these other male friends, he has no right to cause drama over it.
You both are allowed to have friends of your own, and though it is perfectly understandable for him to get jealous, he should trust you enough to not get mad. And, of course, you can always make efforts to prove that: “Hey, even though I have a lot of attractive male friends (and also quite a few not attractive ones), you are the one I want to spend my love time with.” (You can use your imagination to infer what “love time” means — I don’t think I know). Then he will feel like he’s won something, and his jealousy will be soothed.
Ultimately, I think you should dump the bum. (I kid, I kid.)
Next question.
Dilemma #2: “I am a lesbian, and I recently started seeing this bisexual girl. The relationship is really new, but I really like her. The problem is that she still hangs out with and talks to her ex-boyfriend, who she was with for a long time. We haven’t been seeing each other for very long, so I feel like I can’t tell her not to talk to him, but it worries me that they remain so close. Should I just accept that they are friends or say something to her?”
What a predicament that is. Though I understand where you are coming from, I would say you have to accept their relationship for now. Just like with the last question, the girl you are seeing has a right to have a friendship with him if it is purely innocent. I can completely understand why you are worried, but you also have to understand the girl you are seeing and her ex-boyfriend shared something together and will always be present in each other’s lives in some way. There are always going to be remnants of my ex in every relationship from now on, even though we no longer talk, just because we were together for two-and-a-half years. He shaped how I will handle my future relationships, and I am different now because of him.
However, if you two start to get more serious, and you feel her ex is overstepping his bounds, talk to her about it. Don’t get mad or accuse her of anything, but share your concerns. She should understand.
Ultimately, they broke up for a reason and were incompatible in some way. If she decides to renew her relationship with him, she is not meant for you anyway. Still, I wouldn’t make it an issue unless it becomes one. There is no point in worrying yourself over some imagined controversy.
So, there it is: Advice. I know some of you are asking, “Why should I ask advice of someone who hates couples?” To that I say, you know what, at least I am honest. I would want to know if a prospective babysitter hated children. I wouldn’t hire him or her, but I’d respect his or her honesty. So, write in, share your experiences or insights with these lost souls if you feel the need and we will meet back here next week for more juicy problems.