Alicia Freeman is an English senior and relationship advice columnist for the Mustang Daily.
In an English class a few quarters ago, more than one of my female peers said “The Notebook” was their favorite movie, and for those that did not, more than one stood up for it.
We want romance, do we not? Even men, in some way, want a little romance in their lives. Maybe their romance constitutes more “slam, bam, thank you ma’am,” as the great David Bowie said, but that’s romance too. More primal, but romance all the same.
Here we are in college, discovering not only our true identity, but also our sexual one (well, at least some people are, anyway). Now, I am far too awkward to offer sex tips. I am not going to tell you the merits of a little foreplay with our little friend the clitoris or the best way to give a blow job. I suggest you read Cosmopolitan for that.
No, I am here, rather, to offer advice. I am not a certified relationship doctor, and there are probably many people out there who have more experience than me on the dating front. In high school, the few boys I dated, I broke up with after a week. I even had my friend break up with one over the phone for me because I was too much of a coward to do it. I obsessed about men more than ever talked to them, and when I was actually able to snag one, I realized that my fantasy of him was much less exciting than his actual personality.
With examples like Ryan Gosling, Hugh Grant and Colin Firth, you would think every man wanted to woo you with beautiful lines of longing and love. And if he does, he is usually boring. Mike No. 1 (yes, there was a Mike No. 2), a boy I worked with at J.C. Penney my junior year in high school, always had the right lines and held open the door, but conversation was mind-numbing, and his trying-too-hard way of courting wore on me. Also, I am sorry to say, his snaggle teeth did not make me want to try that hard.
But after high school, I realized that not giving a man a chance because he was boring and had snaggle teeth was not the way to find a man. I had to actually give them a shot. I took a few years off between high school and college and had my first love and heartbreak during that time. Then, after I recovered, I had my first real relationship. I had never been with someone before who felt the same way about me (actually, felt even more than I felt for him.) We were together for two-and-a-half years, even moved to San Luis Obispo together, but broke up nearly a year ago now. Two-and-a-half years is a long time to be with someone. The thought of not being with him anymore still troubles me.
So, if you have breakup questions, especially about how to do it, I got answers. I am a pro at breaking up with people and ripping out their hearts. Hell, Mike No. 1 and I were (apparently) not even dating when I broke up with him. And I also broke up with Mike No. 2 (dumb as a box of rocks) on Valentine’s Day after many fake acts of craziness to try to prove some kind of girlfriend unworthiness.
In addition, I know about those drunken (or maybe sober) mistakes that we all have.
I tend to be much more flirty when I drink than when I am sober — and actually, quite a bit nicer too. If you have those mistakes, you let me know, and we can work through them like mature young adults.
But, also, I know what it is like to love someone through all of their faults and quirks. Relationships are hard, but worthwhile. Well, when the give is more than the take, anyway.
So, if you are sitting there waiting for him to call and wanting so desperately to text him for the fifth time today, message me first. If you are sitting there hoping the next buzz of your phone isn’t her texting you for the fifth time today, message me. If there is a hot guy in your chemistry class that you don’t know how to talk to, message me and buy a cleavage-bearing shirt. It works, trust me. If you are a man wondering how long after the date you should call, don’t message me. Just call her already. She’s probably waiting by her phone wondering if you will. And if you are realizing that the man or the woman that you once loved, that once sent electricity through your skin when that person looked at you, now makes you feel more lonely than you ever had before, message me. Please, please, message me.
Unfortunately, “The Notebook” is just a movie. Gosling and Rachel McAdams broke up in real life. But if you can compromise, if you both can give a little and take a little, then real love can be enjoyable and even, sometimes, romantic. If you can’t, have your best friend call him up and say you are just “too busy” with a new job with “a lawyer,” and move on to that hottie who smiled at you on the bus.
It’s only healthy.