When I was a naive freshman I started dating an older man, a wise and mature sophomore. There was something about his Quicksilver attire and hiked up socks that made him relatable to my post high school years. A month went by and there were cute texts and dates. I thought things were really going well until I logged onto Facebook one afternoon and saw a message with the subject titled “News.”
“Hey, I hate to tell you this. I am getting back with an ex-girlfriend of mine. I owe it to her to give our relationship another go, long story. I’m sorry for all this and hope that we can still be friends. I just had to come out and tell you as it wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t. So yeah, that’s my story as of now.”
I have to admit I totally didn’t see that coming. I got Facebook dumped from a quasi-relationship. “Still be friends?” What the hell does that mean? I didn’t even get a phone call or a text. That’s not very friendly.
In a fury, I went to my friend’s dorm room, read her the message and spent hours jotting down vicious rebuttals and witty jabs to send his way. Ultimately I didn’t write him back. He didn’t deserve to know how I felt and I wasn’t going to give him that satisfaction.
My resolve worked for a while. Refusing to write back turned out to be one of the smartest things I’ve done in a relationship. After a few days, though, he freaked out that I didn’t respond and wrote me again with a message titled “ewwwwwwwwwwww.”
“hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa fine dont write back to my message BITCHhhhh effing mutt…………..=-OOOO.”
I defiantly stood my ground and didn’t write back to that message either. However, my self-control was waning. Every sip of alcohol I took with my friends that weekend only hampered my commitment to no communication. It was after drinking too much plastic handle vodka that I did one of the dumbest things I’ve ever done in a relationship: I drunk dialed the guy who Facebook dumped me from a hook-up and called me a bitch. The late night call didn’t get answered and to this day I still wonder what I would have said. I had no plan but I imagine I would have stammered out ‘Hey my Internet’s down. What’s up?’ or ‘How are you and the girlfriend?”
The next day I realized to my disappointment that my missed call hadn’t gone unnoticed. I was greeted with another friendly Facebook message. It was obvious at this point that it was his preferred medium of communication:
“so did you call me saturday just to yell at me or did you actually have something to say?”
Again, I didn’t write back, this time more because of my embarrassment rather than my stubborn will. The whole fiasco ended with him de-friending me only to have him immediately try to re-friend me. His friend request stayed unacknowledged for almost a year until he deleted his Facebook account.
Unfortunately, my first year drama isn’t all that uncommon. Hopefully my story isn’t happening to a lot of people, but the Internet and cell phones are affecting how everyone interacts. Our tech savvy generation faces new challenges in dating etiquette. Of all the mediums to break-up with someone, face-to-face is the most preferred, a phone call is second and all other forms of communication teeter on rude. Facebook is only for recognizing interest in someone and text messages are strictly for getting to know you or for booty calls. Of course it depends on the situation, but I feel that under most circumstances, people deserve the respect of a more honorable mode of communication than Facebook.
Denise Nilan is a journalism senior and the Mustang Daily’s sex and relationship columnist.