Daniel GingrasThere is a curious practice in society today. Telephone “calls” are made to “booty,” “benefits” are obtained from “friends” and “buddies” are “f–ed around with. There are a lot of euphemisms thrown around for that naughty but thrilling interaction: a relationship founded solely on recreational sex. Urbandictionary.com even cites the absurdly amusing term “slampiece,” sometimes abbreviated as “slamp,” and gives this contextual example: “Sorry I haven’t come to work in the past month, I’ve been busy shagging my new slampiece full time and couldn’t walk straight.”Some would scoff at the idea of minimizing a relationship to the concert of sub-torso anatomy, but for others it’s a way of life. Type “f– buddy” into Google.com, and the search engine presents a lengthy list of sites akin to X-rated Facebooks with thousands of members. Sites like www.hotmatchup.com or www.f***-buddies.com, geared towards pairing eager swingers, provide single click access to a master list of sexual actives hot to trot. Curious, I submitted my name and e-mail address, checked a box to verify I was 18, and then browsed an overflowing page full of San Luis Obispans, interested in all sorts of activities ranging from sodomy to public sex. Despite the hedonistic allure, “friends with benefits” is a losing proposition in the long run. There’s a fair chance for things to quickly go sour between recreational lovers. The pretense of feeling-free fooling around is often just the gimmick of a partner seeking love or affection, and that partner will be disappointed or heartbroken when a true relationship does not materialize. Things will get particularly ugly as he or she tries to force what just isn’t there, slipping into desperation. If you find yourself on the carefree end of sex with no strings, beware that trouble is probably brewing. Problems with jealousy and betrayal can arise too, when partners don’t feel that obligation to share with each other their true intentions. Partner A finds out that Partner B has also been sleeping with C, D and E, which is technically not against the rules, but hurtful to A nonetheless. I’ve known one person who is typically “in love” with two to three people at a time, but is careful to keep those loves from crossing.
Worse, these practices form bad habits that are hard to kick if a good chance at a real relationship comes along. You might spoil the love of your life simply because you are in the habit of sleeping around without consequence. You might hurt a person you potentially care about because sex and intimacy do not have the gravity for you that it does for them.
Worst, you might somehow build up immunity to the feelings of love that are true human gratification.
The last downfall people describe to is that a purely sexual relationship can become boring without anything reinforcing it. Sure, there’s probably lustful, passionate sex in the beginning, and a shared joy in that will keep partners together for a while. But a variety of interests is necessary for stimulation of the mind, and a variety of sexual acts alone cannot fulfill this desire. Eventually partners will realize, and dread, that sex is utterly the only thing they have between them. The relationship becomes valueless and uninteresting. One can only tolerate so many wordless humps and lifeless conversations before venturing on to more promising things. Meeting a new girl with great tits or a fresh guy with pectorals that double as can openers might start this whole pattern over again. But what the desperate sexaholic really aught to try is to bond with someone over something besides looks and sex.