Ryan ChartrandIt’s that time of year: winter quarter. During these months, many college students become ill. Not the cool, “You all’s dance crew is sick” kind of sick, but the sneezing, coughing, no one wants to come near you kind of sick.
Contracting a disease can really put a damper on students’ social lives and, less importantly, their academic careers. In an effort to spread disease awareness and prevent the spreading of diseases, I have chosen “disease” as this week’s word. Here are a few to look out for:
Conjunctivitis (pink eye): An infection that causes one’s eye to itch, turn pink, and discharge a yellowish mucus.
Most likely place to catch pink eye: From people whose majors require them to spend large amounts of time with young children (such as liberal studies and child development).
Lice (cooties): Small creatures that crawl through human hair and lay eggs and causing intense itching of the scalp.
Most likely place to catch lice: From your roommate’s friend, that weird guy that seems to be a permanent resident on your couch.
Ringworm (the spot): A fungus that grows on one’s skin in a circular shape and seeps fluid.
Most likely place to catch ringworm: From people that have recently returned from a surfing trip in a third world country.
Obesity: A virus that infects the body and forces it to multiply fat cells.
Most likely place to catch obesity: Any on-campus dining facility (although nothing we have now can ever compare to the Lighthouse)
Maliviascorpitus (scorpitus): a fictitious disease fabricated by college students conversing with incoming freshmen; symptoms include shortness of breath, sensitivity to light, and in extreme cases, death.
Most likely place to catch maliviascorpitus: From living with large groups of people in close quarters, such as dormitories.
Scabies: Small mites that live and burrow in one’s skin, making one break out in itchy rashes.
Most likely place to catch scabies: From the Establishment and other local communes.
Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI): The new name for a sexually transmitted disease (STD).
Most likely place to catch a sexually transmitted infection: From going home with someone you met while dancing at The Library.
Acute viral nasopharyngitis (the common cold): A viral infection that causes a sore throat, coughing, and absurd amounts of snot production.
Most likely place to catch acute viral nasopharyngitis: From people who do not regularly wash their hands (sometimes including, but not limited to, male college students).
So load up on vitamin C and hand sanitizer, because this could be a long cold winter… Wait, who am I kidding? It’s 77 degrees outside. Just go out and enjoy your weekend.
Marci Palla is a public policy graduate student and a Mustang Daily humor columnist. “Marci’s Word of the Week” explores some of the more important vernacular of college life, one word at a time.