Ryan ChartrandIf there were three perfect words in the English language to describe the awesomeness that was Bay to Breakers this past weekend, those words would be: Oh, sweet Jesus. Never in my life have I seen so many naked bodies, so many keg-stands in a public place, or so many costumes that would basically classify as borderline genius. If I didn’t know any better, I would dare say glorious hedonistic debauchery, but I won’t because we all know those days died with the Romans.
Not only was this weekend pure and unadulterated good times, and make no mistake about it, good times it was, but it was also a time for mellow, intellectual conversation amongst old friends. I jest. Conversations I had with old friends, but mellow they were not. In fact, I didn’t really hear much of anything besides for the ambient stream of drunken screams and misinterpreted moans.
So what made this weekend so much freaking fun? I tell. Reason No. 1: the Bay to Breakers footrace is held in what is basically the best city in the world, and I say this without bias or personal conviction in any way: San Francisco, enough said.
Reason No. 2: watching the salmon spawn swim upstream. I shall explain for those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about and are confused as hell. As any major event warrants, the Bay to Breakers is a race that breeds tradition. Let’s see, there’s the tradition of throwing tortillas in the air at the start of the race, the tradition of getting blacked out before 10 in the morning, and then there’s the salmon. Every year, a group of ingenious citizens get together, dress up as salmon and . you guessed it, swim upstream against the heavy current that is the rest of the human population trying to reach the finish line. Obviously who ever thought of this particular costume idea was awesome and should be congratulated with a ribbon.
You thought the salmon was enough, huh? Reason No. 3 why the Bay to Breakers equals good times: interesting historic origins. As any longstanding tradition must have, the Bay to Breakers definitely has some interesting history. Noted as being the longest consecutively running footrace in the world, the Bay to Breakers started in 1912 as a way to lift city spirits after the devastating San Francisco earthquake in 1906. Talk about an easy and perfect way to turn a horrific situation into a way to generate public benefit.
One can see that for all these reasons listed above I had one of the best weekends of my life. I got to enjoy San Francisco and salmon spawn and pondered a piece of California history that is just a cool fact to bust out at parties. Not to mention I sported a kick-ass chain gang costume with fifteen of the coolest people on earth. So for those of you who feel they missed out on this year’s festivities, I’m here to say that there’s always next year. Because make no mistake, next year will be just as awesome.