Douglas B. Bruzzone and Michael Matzke Dear Faithful Mustang Daily Reader, You wouldn’t believe everything that’s happened to us lately. We haven’t spoken in oh, so long, and we feel like we’ve lost touch with each other. The drunken text…
Reasons why David Blaine does crazy things
Douglas B. Bruzzone and Michael Matzke Last week, “magician” David Blaine performed a stunt that required him to stay in an aquarium for over a week and then attempted to hold his breath longer than any other human in history…
We parked in the ASI president's parking spot
Douglas B. Bruzzone and Michael Matzke The Two Classy Gents had a rough week. First of all, someone gave us a fashion memo that said wearing Birkenstocks with socks apparently isn’t cool, causing us to discard our entire wardrobe. Then…
Rumor Patrol: We had sex with Nicky Hilton
Douglas B. Bruzzone and Michael Matzke The Rumor Patrol would like to say one thing: this is definitely not a rumor. The Rumor Patrol definitely had sex with Nicky Hilton. We were there; we saw it. Well, we saw most…
Arbor Day is for pinkos?
Douglas B. Bruzzone and Michael Matzke Have you noticed that the pungent stench of nature is a little stronger today than it was yesterday? That’s because today is Arbor Day, a filthy holiday celebrated by filthy people. Traditionally, an Arbor…
Box office blockbusters: 'The Da Vinci Code' vs. 'Snakes on a Plane'
Douglas B. Bruzzone and Michael Matzke As you may or may not be aware, faithful Mustang Daily reader, the Two Classy Gents often get a chance to sample cinema's finer pleasures weeks or even months before they come out. Perhaps…
Wait, OJ killed someone?
Douglas B. Bruzzone and Michael Matzke When did that happen? 1995? Are you serious? Oh, you’re dead serious? Is that a pun? Alright Mr. Funny Guy, stop joking around. It’s really not funny anymore. You’re talking about our hero here.…
Bring back Jack Ingram
Douglas B. Bruzzone and Michael Matzke Every Tuesday, we used to open up the Mustang Daily trembling with anticipation. Just like a Golden Ticket, there lies Jack Ingram’s wonderful “Soapbox Diaries.” We’ve read the Diary of Anne Frank, and this…
Report: Gents fake classiness
Douglas B. Bruzzone and Michael Matzke N ote to faithful Mustang Daily reader: We at the Mustang Daily office recently unearthed this article about the Two “Classy” Gents, the Honorable Douglas B. Bruzzone and Michael Matzke, M.D. Consequently, we are…
A few classy guidelines for cocaine use
Douglas B. Bruzzone and Michael Matzke In celebration of “Designer Drug History Month,” each week we will cover the hippest drug to snort, shoot or put in your butt. We’ll start off the extravaganza with cocaine, more commonly referred to…
Letters to the Two Classy Gents
Douglas B. Bruzzone and Michael Matzke Well, faithful Mustang Daily readers, our glorious run has come to an end. We’ve had a lot of laughs, but more importantly, we’ve all learned something. For one thing, calling out the UFC champion?…