As with much of the college vernacular, the term “clueless” has evolved during the last decade. In the ’90s, “clueless” referred to a girl who knew nothing about the real world, a girl we would now classify as a princess.
Today, the term “clueless” refers to a boy who knows nothing about what to do when it comes to girls. The Asian protagonist in “Gran Torino” for example. These boys usually have the best of intentions, and would make really great boyfriends, but it really doesn’t matter how great their flight would be if their plane never leaves the ground.
For the sake of these endearing young men, and the poor girls who hope and pray for them to make a move, this article will not only provide ways to recognize a clueless boy, but will provide some helpful hints for those of you who need to get a clue.
He wonders why the douchebag always gets the girl.
“I mean, what does he have that I don’t?” Balls? Seriously, most girls do not prefer douchebags, but those cocky sons of bitches are the only ones that make it clear they are interested, and girls have to assume that boys who do not take any initiative are just not that into them.
He cannot discern if a girl likes him.
Just ask one of your friends (a girl, or a boy with a girlfriend, not one of your clueless buddies) to observe you two together. Trust me, they’ll know.
He gives awkward side hugs.
Hugs provide a great opportunity for some much needed physical contact, but hugs for girls are like handshakes for boys; you need to have a firm, not too long, not too short, grip. So plant yourself securely in front of your favorite girl and use both arms to give her a warm embrace.
He is unable to complete a phone number exchange.
Just invite her to some casual event (i.e. a pint night or Cal Poly athletic event) you have mutual friends attending. When she agrees to go, offer to walk, ride or drive with her to the event. After she agrees to that, tell her you will call to let her know what time you will come by.
Follow this with a, “Wait, I don’t think I have your phone number.” Basically, have a plan that provides multiple questions to lead up to the phone number exchange; this prepares her for the big exchange and gives you an opportunity to test the waters.
Hopefully this knowledge helps all those nice boys who have difficulty getting past the “just friends” stage and all those nice girls who are still waiting for them to stop acting so clueless.
Marci Palla is a public policy graduate student and a Mustang Daily humor columnist. “Marci’s Word of the Week” explores some of the more important vernacular of college life, one word at a time.