Ryan ChartrandEveryone has seen the shirts “SLO the places you will go.” but now comes a better slogan, one more befitting of my weekly column: “SLO the places you could come.” Although it is often thought of only in a fantasy, sex in a public place gives some people that deep down excited tingly feeling, which is why the act is sometimes shown in film.
The dinner scene in “American Wedding” is a good example. The not-yet engaged characters Jim and Michelle are out to dinner at a nice restaurant. Part of the way through their dining experience she goes under the table, which is covered to the floor with a tablecloth and starts pleasuring him. Hopefully for most of you, your future father-in-law will not be seated at the same table when you decide to come out of hiding.
Acting on an impulse and being in the moment doesn’t always mean guiding you and your special someone’s bodies to a bedroom. Because what would happen when you are nowhere near either one of your bedrooms? That is exactly when this list will come in handy, so here it is: the list of some fun places to have sex on the Central Coast before you graduate.
Bishop Peak
If you are unlike me and can actually make it to the top of this beautiful hike without wheezing and almost passing out, not only will you be faced with a gorgeous view, but will have a high from exercise, so jumping on your partner will not be far from your mind. Just be wary of other hikers and the commonality of the jagged rock.
Poly P
Though similar to Bishop Peak, this hike is closer to campus and has less of an environmental cover. Bonus points if you do it on a night when the football team wins and someone from Mustang Maniacs has lit the P up for the city to see.
On top of a school building
A reliable source told me of a friend who happened to have a sexual encounter on the roof of one of the classroom buildings; I won’t say which one in order to not rid this person of their special spot. Just be careful, we don’t want anyone to be falling off any edifice because they are way too caught up in the moment.
The Library
And by the library I do not mean the bar downtown, but hey this list is more of a suggestion than a requirement, so if the bar is what you like then the bar is where you could try. The library has many options, but the final location decision is up to you. Just remember, try to stifle the noises because people are trying to study something other than human anatomy.
The Beach
Shell Beach, Pismo Beach, Avila Beach, Montaña de Oro. This is a location to be specifically aware of your surroundings because there is nowhere to hide except under a blanket; it is just you, your partner and sand. The good news is that there is an exceptionally large body of water close to you to rinse off in after you’re done.
Sunset Drive-In
Drive-in movies have been a location to have sex or sexual relations in public since we were old enough to see the movie “Grease.” It’s dark, you have a soundtrack in the background, the personal space of a car (though bonus points if you do it in the back of a open-bed truck), and food and drinks to fill up on afterwards. If it ends up being a bust, you can at least enjoy a semi-decent movie.
An Athletic Field
As the saying goes, when there is grass on the field, play ball. Or, in this case, play with a few. There are so many variations of this one including the football field, the baseball or softball field, track, practice fields, and bleachers at any of the aforementioned locations. You can even make fun of your own experience to use home plate as your location to reach home plate, if you know what I mean.
Other suggestions that you can figure out the logistics for yourself: the pier, dorms, the rock in Morro Bay, Hearst Castle, a winery, a restaurant, the train station, the park (beware of curious kids and overprotective parents), a movie theater, or any part of your house not in the bedroom.
However, some might just see any of this as indecent exposure. Minimally a sexual act in public could earn you a nice lecture or warning from a roaming observer or police officer. But don’t you agree that a SIP is much better than a DIP? Doing something new, or doing a familiar activity in a new location brings about positive feelings in specific parts of your brain, and lord knows that no one wants to habituate to the feelings and sensations of physical intimacy.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not attempting some sort of hostile sexual takeover of our lovely conservative San Luis Obispo. All I’m saying is, you come here for a complete college experience, and sexual intimacy is typically woven into that larger picture. So be creative and refuse to let yourself fall into a boring rut.
Even if you decide not to adopt the Nike mentality and just do it, these locations are still good places to see before your time in San Luis Obispo comes to an end and your commencement song plays. Safety first, ladies and gentlemen, and happy times to you!