Read this, not that

If the only letters you see in the phrase “reading for pleasure” are “D-I-E, P-L-E-A-S-E,” and you simply don’t have the time to read books that make you look smarter than you are – I have a few suggestions in the Love It/Loathe It tradition. Really, they are all fine works of literature, but this way, if you don’t have time to read them, you will at least have all the information you need to pretend you did.

For the Grads

Read “How to Talk About Books You Haven’t Read” by Pierre Bayard

Not “Just Who Will You Be?” by Maria Shriver

If your answer to the question “just who will you be?” is “screwed, because I B.S.-ed my way through college,” “How to Talk About Books You Haven’t Read” is the book for you. Shriver’s little blue book has a great message, but let me save you $15 and 10 minutes: 1. Fame doesn’t lead to happiness, 2. It’s never too late to be who you want to be, and 3. Do not let others dictate your self-satisfaction. Bayard’s little book is a good pick because when you are out of college and in the real world, you will need to know a few things about the “fake it ’til you make it” strategy. And chances are, you still haven’t actually read “Ulysses,” “Don Quixote” or anything by Tolstoy (neither have I).

Health/Diet

Read “Hungry Girl: Recipes and Survival Strategies for Guilt-Free Eating” by Lisa Lillien

Not “Eat This, Not That” by David Zinczenko

Obviously Zinczenko knows a thing or two about clever titles, and he does have some illuminating comparisons of America’s favorite foods, but they still aren’t the best choices for everyday eating. While visually brilliant and sometimes shocking (sirloin steak instead of a turkey burger?), it still offers highly processed foods as “alternatives.” Lillien’s “Hungry Girl” suggests homemade versions of the same thing, ensuring more control and a higher nutritional content. Also check out the Web site: www.hungrygirl.com.

Celebrity Memoir

Read “It’s Only Temporary: The Good News and the Bad News of Being Alive” by Evan Handler

Not “Audition” by Barbara Walters

Barbara Walters has led a remarkably interesting life, a life that is perhaps 300 pages too long (I do have Barbara to thank for my newly firm biceps, though). Instead, read Evan Handler’s “It’s Only Temporary: The Good News and the Bad News of Being Alive.” Who is Hander? You might best remember him as Charlotte’s coif-challenged husband Harry from “Sex and the City,” but he is also a leukemia survivor and a hilariously frank author. Handler’s second memoir, “It’s Only Temporary,” deals with his exploits as a talented young actor newly plucked from the hands of death to a not-so-young talented actor who is still not dead. In a series of short stories, Handler tries to answer the question: After you survive an incurable disease, where do you go from there? This memoir offers a unique perspective on how to live your life, no matter how persistent it can be.

Award-Winner

Read “The Confederacy of Dunces” by John Kennedy Toole

Not “The Stranger” by Albert Camus

I still have no idea whether the Pulitzer Prize of the Nobel Prize for Literature has the most weight in the literary world, but I do know that “The Confederacy of Dunces” by the late John Kennedy Toole is the winner here. I admit that Matthew Ward’s translation of Camus’ “The Stranger” is probably a more significant piece of literature. It is merely a matter of preference that I recommend Toole’s novel, which overflows with a precision of wit that I have scarcely seen before. The story behind the publishing of the book is interesting, too: Toole had already committed suicide when his mother persistently appealed to various publishers to get his novel published posthumously.

Book to Be Seen With

Read “I Love You, Beth Cooper” by Larry Doyle

Not “The Delivery Man” by Joe McGinness, Jr.

Finally, I picked up two books that looked trendy. I spotted “The Delivery Man” at Urban Outfitters and then Barnes and Noble (which verified its trendiness) and walked past “I Love You, Beth Cooper” 10 times before I grabbed it and read it in one sitting. For a quick and entertaining read, start with the latter (it has pictures and will probably be turned into a mediocre screenplay within a year).

Allison Baker is an English senior, Mustang Daily columnist and pop-culture enthusiast.