The rise of the douche

We got rules that tell us who we oughta be. Open your books; let’s study douche-i-otomy.

Right now, we are witnessing the rise of the douchebag. Well, sort of.

The douchebag is not really a trend, because he’s always been around. Historically, there have been some major douches – Napoleon, Hitler, Ivan the Terrible, Nixon. The new trend in douchedom is somewhat promising. It seems that peoples’ association of the male “douchebag” is getting closer, though still far off, to the female slut.

The word “slut” in our society still has no exact male equivalent. It still seems that people are holding onto the concept of promiscuous behavior being more acceptable for men than for women. However, with a little bit of work, “douchebags” may become “man-sluts.”

Let’s first examine the concept of physical appearance. People associate “douchebag” with popped

collars, too much hair product, overt display of chesticles and fake tans. “Sluts,” on the other hand, are associated with too much hair product; overt display of chesticles, legs, butts or skin in general; fake tans; and plastic body parts. Basically, people hand out these labels because “douchebags” and “sluts” both make noticeably conscious efforts to look sexy. But who are we to judge? Don’t we all want to look sexy? If we see a movie star on the red carpet in something that clearly displays side-boob, we consider it normal. However, if a woman shows up to a bar or other public place showing side-boob, she may get whispered about behind her back. Keep in mind, the movie star was just seen by millions and is not labeled a “slut,” but side-boob Sally has only been seen around town. What’s the justification here?

Another thing these two terms have in common is the fact that people don’t understand the draw of “douchieness” or “slutiness” to the opposite sex. I have often heard women say things like, “Why do guys like her? She’s so slutty-looking.” On the other hand, men often say, “That guy looks like a total douche. Why do hot girls like him so much?” There is a mutual misunderstanding as to how these lifestyles are effective in garnering the coveted attention of the opposite sex.

What’s sad is that this often leads to the trend of “haterism.” On one hand, you have people hating on the “slutasaurus” and the “douchie mammoth.” On the other hand, the “slutatron” and the “douchemus prime” hate back on the haters with slick comebacks like, “You wish you looked this good.” It’s a confusing and vicious cycle that adds up to nothing more than a bad episode of “Maury.”

Though they’re close, there’s still a huge difference in the actions that result in these two labels. Promiscuous behavior can land women with the label “slut,” whereas with men, you just have to be a dick to other people to be a “douche.”

However close “douchebag” gets, I’m not sure it will ever reach the same degrading status as “slut.” It seems to be gaining ground, but it’s not to the point yet where calling someone “Captain Douche of the S.S. Dick” is enough reason to start tearing each other’s hair out.

So recognize the power of the labels you place on others and stop all the hatin’ – you know the TRENDASAURUS looks damn sexy in his micro mini and tube top.

Brian McMullen is a journalism senior and Mustang Daily columnist.