Trendasaurus: UGG-ly shoes

They say you are what you eat. But when you eat what’s on your feet, how does that speak about your chic?

Shoes don’t change all that much. Sure, sometimes Nike or Adidas will fill the sole up with air or put a spring in the heel, but for the most part, we see the same designs over and over. Some shoes strive to break with the classic styles but end up being trendy, back-of-the-closet purchases.

Hip-hop artist Pharrell released a line of shoes in 2005 under the label Ice Cream. And yes, the name is indicative of the style. He has canvas shoes that look like waffle cones. Yummy. Then the daughters of Rev Run from Run DMC and Vh1’s “Run’s House” dropped a sneaker line called Pastry. And yes, these shoes make your feet look like donuts – complete with sprinkles. Personally, I don’t want my feet looking this tasty. I want people to say, “Man, those shoes are sick!” Not, “Your feet look like chocolate cake . mmm,” or, “Hey man, dust off your kicks; you got funfetti all over ’em.”

Then there’s the issue of UGGs. For some reason, most of my guy friends have nothing good to say about UGGs, and my girlfriend (and my girl friends) are all very defensive about them. However, I think there’s something we can all agree on: They should never be worn with skirts or shorts; it just doesn’t make sense. Here you are mixing winter/warmth apparel with summer/cool apparel, walking around in a skirt, a tank top, mittens and a sheeps-fur bomber hat. It’s really trippy to see because in your head you’re like, “Is it really that cold out here that she needs those boots? God, her thighs must be freezing!”

And the more frilly the boot (or really, high-top slipper), the more ridiculous it looks. Like, now they have those UGGs-style boots with the fake-fur trim and the little dangly, bouncing fur balls. They honestly look like road-kill specials.

Now the shoe trend that makes the least bit of sense is the all-purpose Crocs. For those who don’t know, these are shoes made out of rubber. Now what do your feet smell like after a hot summer’s day in a pair of Crocs sandals? My buddy Matt Norton and I decided that Crocs are like the Humvee of the shoe world: They’re built to be all-terrain, all-purpose, but they never leave the pavement. Like honestly, how do you justify wearing Crocs on campus? Sure a rainy day is good enough reason; rubber is waterproof. But on a typical day, how many puddles are you going to ford?

So what shoe trend do I want to see? I want to see children’s shoes made in adult sizes. I want some Velcro Batman shoes. How fly would that be? Ladies, you could ditch the UGGs and rock some Disney Princess kicks. Or better yet, instead of road kill, you could draw attention to your feet with some L.A. Lights.

So keep your feet in check, wear shoes that fit the function and the temperature, and watch out for the TRENDASAURUS and his high-top Captain Planet sneakers.

Brian McMullen is a journalism senior and Mustang Daily columnist.