Lauren RabainoIt’s old news by now, but the First Annual Writers Strike of America finally finished to a round of sporadic applause and faint coughing, capped off by the sweet chirping of crickets. Television was side-stepped by writers who desired to obtain royalties that they probably deserve, but who have failed to explain to America why they actually deserve them.
Now, this may come as a surprise to many of you, but I have a television. However, I’m very selective, and limit myself to quality shows like “The Office” and “Iron Chef.” Naturally, “The Office” left the air shortly after the strike began, and “Iron Chef” continued, though the ideas for the secret ingredient showcased in each episode declined in creativity. The episode where chefs simply served Hot Pockets was uninspiring, to say the least.
So I’m glad the writers are back and getting paid to do their work. As a fellow writer, I can sympathize with their plight. I’ve been on strike with the Mustang Daily since I started writing for them last quarter. Those bloodsuckers keep stealing from my News Feed on Facebook, my angry comments on YouTube videos and my medical records from the Health Center, piecing together the information into a semi-humorous monologue and slapping my name on the front. Those bastards! Nevertheless, I’m currently looking for random play, that Family Guy video montage I saw on the interwebs was shallow and pedantic, and I’m currently suffering from FBS (Flaky Brain Syndrome).
This past weekend, The Academy Awards was the big test for the writers to prove that they’re worth it. Many people (and by many, I mean about three) were concerned the awards show would not go on if the writers didn’t strike a deal in time. Fortunately, the writers returned, and had the intelligence to scrap The Academy Award Montage Tribute to Academy Award Montages.
It seems the television, formerly the technological incarnation of the American Dream, no longer has its iron grip on the American throat. This has been caused by new media such as videogames, the interwebs, home theater systems and indiscriminately flashing an iPhone in crowded public places (“WHOA, YOU HAVE AN IPHONE!?”). Videogames offer new modes of interaction. Previously, you had to go to the park to play baseball, but now with the Nintendo Wii, $250 dollars allows you to play baseball for free! The interwebs offer loads of user-generated content. A prime example is YouTube, which allows one to upload a video of their baby’s first steps, and then tag it with terms such as “XXX,” “HOT” and “CHICK” in order to attract viewers and generate a higher view count.
With home video releases of films arriving mere weeks before the theatrical release, many Americans have invested in home theater systems, which offer non-sticky floors and are free of tall people who sit in front of you and that jerk who keeps indiscriminately kicking the back of your chair while you try to watch the film. Recently, the next generation disc format, Blu-ray, won the format war after rolling up its competitor, HD DVD, in a carpet and throwing it into a trash compactor. It then stole HD DVD’s credit cards and racked up huge debts for HD DVD’s loved ones to pay off. Then Blu-ray burned down HD DVD’s house just for good measure. The point is, it’s now safe for the average Joe (or Jane; I’m known to be politically correct) to invest in a high-definition player, which offers visual resolution so high that only bald eagles and other visually attuned animals can appreciate it. However, I’d like to find a bird of prey that can dissect the themes in “Mystic River.” Awesome, score one for humanity!
Ultimately, we respect the work that the writers do for television, we just don’t care about the work they do. Incidentally, this also reflects my attitude toward modern art. So keep up the good work, writers! I look forward to hearing from friends that “last night’s Saturday Night Live was hilarious,” and then finding the specific scene on YouTube, watching it for free, and then posting a video of my book collection with the title “HOT STEAMY SEXY J.K. ROWLING ON TOLKIEN ACTION” in order to propel my view count upward.