Political trends in everyday situations

We keep on hating while these politicians are debating, when we need to be learning their strategies and imitating.

We can all learn valuable life lessons from politicians. I mean, to get so many people to like them, they have to be doing something right. That’s why this week I’m doing something a little different; I’m proposing that we take political trends and use them in everyday situations.

For instance, we could all put question-dodging to great use. I mean, how many times has a professor asked a question you don’t know the answer to? In the debates, the candidates answer completely different questions than the one asked but still look smart doing it.

Try this: Next time your astronomy professor asks you what an orbit is, say, “I’d like to answer this question, but first I’d like to point out that I am aware that the Earth revolves around the Sun, and that Mars does not necessarily have Martians, and also that Saturn’s rings are just space dust. I know these things and I understand how they work. And I am committed to learning all that this class has to offer and applying that knowledge to making this world a better place.”

Or you can use the opportunity to discredit your opponent. “That dude in the back – he’s asleep! I know what an orbit is and how it applies to a properly functioning universe, but I assure you, sleepy dwarf back there thinks you can blow bubbles with it.”

Now, political trends aren’t just useful in class but also in social situations, like dating. If politicians can convince us to put the fate of our country in their hands, then they sure as hell can teach us something about the game. Why not treat being single like campaigning? You have to promote yourself, your values and, most importantly, your track record. When approaching that sexy somebody, don’t use a pick-up line. Start instead with the answer to a question you know they’re asking in their head, “I’m confident the records will show that I have stood firm against sexually transmitted infections, and because of my actions, my borders are secure. The records will also show that I am well qualified for the job. I collaborated with a nonpartisan study group to come up with a presentation on the Latvian economy. For this I received a letter grade of B.” That’s money in the bank!

Another political trend you can use in dating is the indirect answer. If your sexy somebody asks if you like Fergie, don’t just say no; reply with, “Some would say she is the definition of an artist, and they are entirely right – as far as they are concerned.” It only sounds like you enjoy her music, but the record will show that you opposed “Fergilicious” on all occasions. And if that sexy somebody doesn’t go for it, oh well, it’s just one stop on the campaign trail.

You see, politicians are, for the most part, smooth and well spoken with impeccable hair and jutty shoulders – things we all should strive for. They always have an answer for the question at hand, even if it doesn’t answer the question at hand. They are also skilled at making opponents look inept and are masters at promoting themselves to a large cross-section of the American population.

Everything you could ever want to be is right there, so why not do what’s trendy in the political world? Slick your hair up, rock the power suit, and make well-practiced hand gestures when you speak. It all adds up to success, my fellow student, success. I’m Brian McMullen, and the TRENDASAURUS approved this message.

Brian McMullen is a journalism senior and Mustang Daily columnist.