Erik Hansen is a graduate student pursuing a Master of Public Policy.
So you decided it is time for a lifestyle change; you quit smuggling drugs for MS-13, and are now studying for a more fulfilling — though less lucrative — career in architectural engineering.
Great choice! However, your face, neck, arms and knuckles are covered in constant reminders of your “rebellious” youth — tattoos.
Yup, it is time for the obligatory “tattoo removal” article. In today’s job market you will need every competitive edge you can muster — good luck finding a job looking like a freak.
You probably saw the advertisements during the first couple weeks of school about where to get your neo-geek, hipster ass inked.
While tattoos can be tasteful, tactful and unique (and the vast majority are), getting Johnny’s name tattooed over your right boob probably wasn’t such a hot idea, especially after he left you high and dry. You stay classy!
Let’s run through the basics, no nonsense, so you can take that costly decision and remedy it with an even more costly solution. In 2008, a Harris Interactive Poll on the motivation for tattoo removal found that 16 percent of respondents with at least one tattoo regretted getting at least one of their tattoos (though it should also be noted that 31 percent of the respondents also said their tattoos make them feel sexy).
Of those expressing regret, 20 percent said it was because they felt they were too young when they got the tattoo, 19 percent said because they are now marked for life (not so fast turbo!), 18 percent said they no longer like their tattoo and 16 percent said it was because their tattoo fades over time.
Back in the day, when it was mostly badasses such as sailors, Marines and bikers getting tattoos, you also had to be a badass to get them removed. The only plausible options were dermabrasion — taking a Black & Decker sander to your flesh — or excision — cutting out the tattoo and sewing together the skin (or sewing in spare/cadaver skin).
While these options are still available, and can even be done in the comfort of your own home, laser tattoo removal is your only rational choice — specifically, the “Q- switched” laser. It should be noted that there are many “balms” on the market (that all run for about $100 a jar) that, used over an extended period of time, might fade your tattoo(s) a little. If you are willing to use the balm nightly over, say, six months to a year, and are only looking to fade your tattoo(s) to cover with another tattoo, this might be a plausible option for you. Do keep in mind that each jar of balm (if used nightly) will last about one month.
There is another, newer type of laser regimen being used for tattoo removal called “Intense Pulsed Light Therapy.” It also costs an arm and a leg, almost literally. The treatment is supposed to be quicker and less painful than Q-switched lasers — however, due to the cost, this is a procedure not many students would be in the market for unless you marry well.
Getting a tattoo removed is much more expensive than getting the tattoo itself. Generally (very generally), take the cost of getting your tattoo(s), then multiply that cost by 10, and you have a rough idea of what it is going to cost to get the ink removed.
This is not an area where you want to skimp though. Depending on where you go — do your research, this is what something like Yelp is good for — you can expect to pay $20 to $70 per square inch (of tattoo) per session. I don’t think you will get a AAA discount anywhere, but saying you’re a student might bump the price down a little.
There are quite a few variables in terms of the timeframe of the removal process, including: color(s), professionalism, location of tattoo, age of tattoo and your general health. For your basic, black, 3-square inch trampstamp, tribal band, or Yoda (which I would leave on), you can expect it to take at least six to nine sessions — if you are doing the math from our discussion above, that means you can expect to pay at least $360 to $1,890 to have your tattoo removed.
Sessions start at four weeks apart, and spread out to six to eight weeks apart as you progress. This means that you can expect your ninth session to take place approximately one year from your first session — that is, if you stay on schedule.
The reason for the extended timeframe is because it is not the laser that removes your tattoo, but rather your body. The laser breaks down the tattoo — your body then takes the ink and absorbs it into your system.
Similar to the fact that getting your tattoo removed will cost you more than getting your tattoo, getting your tattoo removed will hurt a lot more than it did to get your tattoo. There are topical “numbing” creams available at the doctor’s office where you choose to have your tattoo removed for those with a low- to medium-pain threshold.
However, for those that go without the numbing cream, I have heard many comparisons about how getting a tattoo removed feels. I think the best comparison to share would be holding your body part (of which you are getting your tattoo removed), over a grease fryer for a couple of minutes and letting the hot oil sizzle and burn you. That said, sessions are quite short; about 3-minutes for that 3-square inch portrait of Yoda you have on your forearm.
Again, it is your body removing the ink — the laser is only breaking it up. If you are sickly or your immune system is incapacitated, you should focus on making yourself well before getting any tattoos removed. Expect to pay the full cost the doctor thinks it is going to take to remove your tattoo(s) — up front. If it takes fewer sessions, they will likely reimburse you; if it takes more sessions, they will likely continue your visits at no cost.
And finally, have some realistic results in mind. Do not expect your skin to return to its “pre-tattoo” state. More than likely, it will not. You can do an image search of “tattoo removal before and after” to get an idea — you will likely always have a faint reminder of your decisions past.