Ryan ChartrandThe Pop-Tart is a glorious thing. It’s a tasty treat packed with sugary goodness much akin to its lesser-known pastry twin, the strudel. Very satisfying, hugely entertaining . with all the sprinkles and stuff to look at on its face, totally embraced by popular culture, yet highly debatable nutritional content.
Who would have thought that a flat toaster pastry approximately 3 by 5 inches wide and across would creep into the hearts and cupboards of American suburbia to become the confection of the century? Just for the record, I did.
Now, I know there are a few questions floating around campus as to the questionable naming of this column Pop Tart. But before opening that can of worms, to understand this column, let us discuss the tiered nature of this amusing snack by stating the facts: I know they are basically the sweetest little things to touch my lips, since well, my last make-out sesh.
I also know that it is not necessary to toast a Pop-Tart to actually enjoy the delicious juicy filling. A Pop-Tart raw is a Pop-Tart still edible. And finally, I know that maple is the grossest flavor the Pop-Tart flavor guy could ever have imagined. To each his own is what I say.
And now, without further adieu, some exciting Pop-Tart history: Pop-Tarts first “popped up” on the scene in the early 1960s and, contrary to popular belief, were packaged sans frosting. Basically the most shocking news I’ve ever heard. Pop-Tarts without frosting are like pigs without blankets, just stupid and naked.
Evidently, in the early days of Kellogg’s Pop-Tart distribution, the frosting, this best part of the Pop-Tart, the star of the show, was sadly overlooked.
Actually, it was first believed that the delicious frosting would melt in the toaster thereby causing a huge catastrophic mess a la the end of the world. As far as I’m concerned, melodrama of that magnitude is hugely problematic, as it potentially could have robbed the world of icing-laden snack foods.
Thank god that disaster was averted and the Kellogg found its wits. Today we have many a Pop-Tart with as many flavors as there are crayon colors. There’s always the classic Strawberry, S’mores, Cherry trio to pick up on a rainy day. But due to modern food processing technology, today we have Wildberry, Blueberry, and the newest kind of Pop-Tart that you stick in the freezer rather than in the toaster. Yum.
So why was this column called “Pop Tart?’ It’s simple really. Besides for my intense love for this tasty treat, this column was about everything “Pop Culture.” Pop Culture, Pop-Tart, you see the resemblance: both “Pop.” Also, I enjoy a good tangy-tart thing, as I am a sassy woman.
Some people eat cereal for breakfast, some choose the godless spawn that is oatmeal. I, on the other hand, choose to stuff my face with the glorious Pop-Tart; don’t judge. And there it is, the method behind the pop tart madness. It’s been real and it’s been great.