Warriors diary

My game plan was to keep a running diary of the entire Warriors game Tuesday night. I had to miss the entire first half. Halftime score is 54-52, I have no tattoos, and Matt Barnes has many.

9 p.m. – I walk back into my house, turn on the game and see Sir Charles on TV, along with my roommate who just chopped off his ear with some glass (seriously). Sir Charles is funny, but Trenton with an Evander Holyfield type of ear is just pure comedy. No worries, he’s going to be all right.

9:12 p.m. – Mehmet Okur is actually an NBA player. No joke.

9:16 p.m. – Al Harrington is just dominating. If he could have stepped up in the last two games, maybe the Warriors wouldn’t be down 3-1. Hey AK-47, nice fro-hawk. He’s starting to take over. The Warriors need to pick it up, or it’s going to be season over. But if they do go out tonight, I hope Stephen Jackson fights the entire crowd. I’m taking Jackson against the lower deck, but the guys up top may pose a problem.

9:27 p.m. – Jazz foul, fans act tough. I hate Derek Fisher. I feel for you Warriors fans. He just won’t go away. He’s like that little bug that flies by your face that you just can’t kill. He’ll never disappear, so we all must get used to it. Why do the Warriors shoot so many 3-pointers even when they’re not feeling it? That’s why they’re so fun to watch. Love it! I feel like I’m watching really good players at the Rec Center.

9:45 p.m. – Jackson is about to fight. Yeah, he could definitely take the lower deck. On a good day, possibly even Chuck Norris. End of third quarter – Jazz 77, Warriors 73.

9:55 p.m. – I wonder if Don Nelson doesn’t wear a tie because it would cut off all circulation and he might not be able to make it through the game. Understandable, but Nellie, I think the NBA did you a favor when it said you couldn’t drink at the podium. Fisher will never go away. I’m telling you, he’s the bug.

10 p.m. – The referees are rigging this game. Barnes is dominating and not getting any calls. As a Kings fan, I never thought much of Barnes, and I didn’t care when they didn’t retain him. Without him, though, the Warriors would be out of this game. He is single-handedly keeping them alive. Jazz up two with six minutes left.

10:08 p.m. – Fisher for 3. He is just killing the Warriors. Jazz up five. Baron Davis has had back-to-back steals and just thrown up airballs at the other end. When you live by the 3, you die by the 3, my friends. Warriors down one with two and a half minutes left. After watching the entire second half, the Jazz should be up at least 10. Man, the Warriors are just something else. Most entertaining team I have ever seen. My roommate just said AK-47 looks like Drago from Rocky IV, minus the steroids.

10:19 p.m. – It is not looking good, Warriors fans. The referees have absolutely blown the game. I don’t really care about either team, but this is just unfair. The Yao Ming-David Blaine commercial is pretty good.

10:26 p.m. – Well, Warriors fans, the fairytale is over. Let’s all hope and pray that Jackson doesn’t go to a strip club. Forgot we’re in Utah. They don’t have those.