Ryan ChartrandI have a little cold this week. Not a big deal, right? Just your usual runny nose, congestion, and the periodic coughing fit to make you generally uncomfortable sitting in the back of class – yes, class.
As much as I would love to sit and sniffle at home with someone to attend my every whim, I’m going to class instead.
We all know what it’s like to suffer through classes with a cold (though perhaps we suffer through some classes anyway, without health complications). It’s likely worse for our beloved classmates, who must sit through constant coughing, sniffling, or nose-blowing.
But we make ourselves do it anyway! Instead of missing a class or part of one to recuperate and restore ourselves to full physical and mental health, we suck it up, down a decongestant, and get our lethargic, weakened bodies to campus. We’ll show those colds who’s boss.
We have good reason to want to avoid missing a class. The quarter system speeds by so quickly that even one missed class can really throw us off. And for the price of our education, we’d better get as much out of it as possible.
But, let’s admit it: There’s one primary reason why even a paltry little cold (or even something worse) can’t keep us from our academic commitments! It’s the status quo and the M.O. on college campuses of today: the Type-A personality.
We strive to represent the ideal of our times: the independent, driven, self-sufficient young person with the American do-it-yourself dream backing us and the choose-it-yourself future awaiting us.
We are in control, and we can take care of ourselves . right?
The independence and self-sufficiency we are taught to develop may look great on a job resume and in an interview, but taken to an extreme, it can complicate things in the emotionally intimate realm of romantic relationships.
Many of us are the type of people who like to be in control: we like to take the lead, figure things out without explanation, and do things without the aid of others.
There’s the classic male example: the guy who won’t stop to ask for directions, no matter how gently or brutally his female counterpart entreats him to. (Hence, the growing popularity of the GPS: Now guys can feel both geographically proficient and technologically savvy).
Even when directions are provided (e.g., the some-assembly-required desk-in-a-box you bought for your new place), it seems there’s some dignity to be lost if you resort to actually using them. (Hence, you ended up with a mangled-looking shelf-thing instead of a desk.)
Some females hate to ask for help, too. On the extreme end there’s the self-righteous “I-don’t-need-a-man” syndrome, which is good in some respects (i.e., learning how to do stereotypically male car-related and plumbing tasks).
It can be bad too, as in stubbornly refusing clearly much-needed help (i.e., hefting a heavy load when your obviously more physically-robust gentleman friend could give you a hand).
“Proving ourselves” has more to do with personality than gender. Male or female, we just want to feel competent and autonomous, for our own feelings of self-confidence and worth.
In relationships, both sides have to simultaneously step up and take a step down. Yes, we want to feel competent, but we also want to feel needed. A relationship is a balance between taking care of someone and letting him/her take care of you.
For some people, taking care of others is no problem; but to let go of even a little control over what happens to him or her can be asking too much. As soon as someone else starts to take care of them, they feel like they no longer get to decide what happens in the relationship.
It can be scary and even has the potential to dissolve the relationship entirely. Being taken care of opens you up to your own vulnerabilities; it means relinquishing some of your own independence in order to become closer to someone who wants to care for you.
We aren’t talking about co-dependency, which has negative overtones according to the Oxford English Dictionary definition: “Excessive emotional or psychological reliance on another person (typically a partner or close relative).; reciprocal dependence on another’s neediness.”
Co-dependency is an imbalance of needs and neediness. In contrast, a healthy relationship balances the responsibility for emotional caretaking so that both parties feel that their needs – including the need to feel needed – are met.
It may take some effort, but look at it this way: Letting your guard down can be beneficial to developing real emotional intimacy with your significant other. Truly caring for and loving another person isn’t just about giving; it’s about accepting, too.
In a mature relationship, decisions and responsibilities are shared between two people, who are now looking out for each other just as they have always looked out for themselves.
All our lives we’re learning to take care of ourselves and others; the next step is learning to allow others to take care of us.
Assuming I’m still battling this little cold this weekend – I’ll take my own advice, and volunteer to take my next step: by letting my dear, most tolerating significant other keep the tea and tissues coming.
Sarah Carbonel is an English and psychology junior and Mustang Daily dating columnist.