Relax, savor what's left of college life

Where did the quarter go? My sense of time got lost somewhere amidst hundreds of pages of reading and an armful of essays and midterms. All of a sudden we’ve landed in week nine, locked in a stare-down with final exams.

“Time flies when you’re having fun.” Correction: time flies whether you’re having fun or not, especially if you’re a college student.

College initiates us as productive citizens of this “fast-paced society.” We haul through schoolwork, jobs, financial matters, roommate issues, and social events to learn how to cope with an endless influx of obligations, looming deadlines, conflicting interests and more.

Also, we tend to forget that, in this generation’s technologically-explosive world, information comes at us at a dizzying rate. We have to process and digest all this material, constantly adapting to keep up and filter out all the spam.

Time seems to be transpiring faster now that we’re older. Senior year of high school feels so recent; and my dorm-adventure memories are still fresh in my mind. I’ve even heard 23- and 24-year-olds lamenting about how much they miss being 21.

And we can’t slow down! Many a college student will tell you that it all comes down to staying on top of the game. Our very entrance into Cal Poly was predicated on competition and drive; the way things operate in the “real world” isn’t much different.

Some of us have learned to step back and relax; but as soon as that break is over, we jump back in and rush to get that last paper written to pass that last class we need to graduate and get into that grad school whose application is due by 5 p.m. today.

So, if we’ve gotten used to moving this fast … does that mean we’re rushing into our relationships, too?

Perhaps you and a special someone hit it off (on more than the level of ordering the same drink at the bar). Before you know it, a few weeks could turn into a few months or a few years. But it doesn’t take more than a glimmer of a second to wonder whether this could be your special someone for the long-term.

Does it mean you’re impulsive if that long-term thought enters your mind so early in a relationship?

Not necessarily! It just means we’re approaching a point in our psychological development in which we are starting to have a better idea of what we want in a partner.

We’ve heard the statistics over and over again: the marriage age is rising, due to longer life expectancy, extended adolescence (that is, young adults take longer to become financially independent), changing social expectations for couples to have children, etc.

But I know my fair share of fellow students (between the ages of 20 and 25) who are married or engaged-to-be, having been in their relationships for three years or less. And surely there’s a sizeable percentage of couples who have been together for less than a year and have seriously discussed engagement.

To put it frankly: this can freak out some people.

As observers of these relationships, three years or less may seem too brief to make such a big decision. How mature are you really, at 21 or 22 years old? How can you possibly know at this age what you want for the rest of your life?

Believe it or not, some of these couples didn’t impulsively tie the knot in a Vegas chapel the month before they turned legal. They actually thought it through – and with brains not ailing from lovesickness.

Just like when we all went through puberty at different times, we psychologically mature at different rates. In college, you learn what you can and can’t stand by living with roommates; you learn what size workload you can handle; you learn what you want in a partner by interacting with friends, classmates, and obviously, significant others.

Through these experiences, some people will continue to change and develop in leaps and bounds. Others may reach a state of identity stability sooner than others, and may not significantly change from that point on in terms of personality or interests.

The point is, some people are ready to get to that next phase in a relationship, because they’ve (hopefully) both reached that stage of readiness in psychological maturity, regardless of actual age.

In contrast, some people really aren’t ready; and when someone who isn’t ready jumps into a relationship with the expectation that it will last long-term, there’s a greater risk that they’ll realize too late that they needed more time.

Really, there’s no way we as outsiders can know what someone else wants for the rest of his or her life, even if we’re convinced that our outsider-judgments are fabulously objective and sound.

It’s coming, but there’s only one person who can tell you whether you’re ready or not. If you’re feeling the pressure, stop for a while; take a moment to ask yourself what it is you really want; be confident that you know yourself in a way no one else can.

In relationships and in life, whatever decision you come to, just remember: there’s no rush.

Sarah Carbonel is an English and psychology junior and Mustang Daily dating columnist.