Sorry girls – 'He's Just Not That Into You'

Girls are stupid. It’s true. We wait for phone calls that never happen, overlook the obvious, and spend countless hours with guys who don’t (and never will) feel the same way about us as we do about them – all in an endless quest for love and acceptance.

When “He’s Just Not That Into You” (written by “Sex and the City” contributors Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo) hit bookshelves in 2004, I remember thinking it was an asinine message. Obviously he’s just not that into you. Who wouldn’t be able to discern that for herself? I thought it was a book for those clingy women who don’t use common sense. Any “normal” woman would be able to tell if a guy wasn’t that “into her,” right? Not according to Behrendt and Tuccillo, who have compiled a book of all the warning signs.

The book has an easy-to-read, conversational tone. Each chapter covers a different topic, including dating, sex, marriage and break-ups. These chapters follow a pattern: fake “please help” letters illustrating various scenarios, followed by Behrendt’s advice and Tuccillo’s explanation of why women may have a difficult time accepting this advice. Although Tuccillo pokes in here and there to give her 2 cents, the voice of the book is mainly Behrendt’s. His tone is casual and humorous, but often soured by his smart-aleck manner.

Behrendt’s philosophy is that women want so badly to believe in the goodness of their boyfriend, fianc‚ or husband, that they often make excuses for inappropriate behavior and give men more chances than they deserve. In many ways, the simple answer “he’s just not that into you” is more of a revelation than it should be.

Behrendt’s intentions are good: He doesn’t want smart and attractive women wasting their time and energy (as he likes to remind the reader, “don’t waste the pretty”) on someone who doesn’t return their love.

However, the trouble is that Behrendt rarely factors emotional content into the equation. Maybe in the long run it’s for the best, but it may be difficult to dump a guy simply for not calling when he says he will (especially if it’s someone you love). Relationships are messy. It would be nice if they were as cut-and-dried as Behrendt portrays, but a strict set of rules for every scenario seems unrealistic.

Unfortunately, in many ways I felt more skeptical and confused than ever after reading “He’s Just Not That Into You.” I like the way Behrendt keeps the reader grounded and portrays a realistic “this is how life is, you just have to accept it” message, but the feminist in me rebels against ideas like always letting the guy call.

As a reader, I also dislike how Behrendt doesn’t give any guy the benefit of the doubt or a second chance, and warns women to do likewise. Miss a date? Forget to call? It means he’s just not that into you, and he’s out – no ifs, ands, or buts. After all, the subtitle is “The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys.” Behrendt comes across as an intense, but well-intentioned friend, who will confiscate your phone rather than take the chance of you using it to call your ex.

“He’s Just Not That Into You” is worth perusing even if the reader doesn’t agree whole heartedly with its message. As with any other issue, it serves as a buffet from which you can take what you like and leave the rest. Whether it is helpful or not, Behrendt urges women to view relationships as they really are, not as they wish them to be.

Haley Stocking is an English senior with a theatre minor. E-mail any questions, comments or recommendations to hstockin@calpoly.edu