I have a huge problem, and unfortunately it is with my roommate. Let us just refer to him as “Ben,” so that we can protect the accused. As of late, Ben has been walking around with an unusual bounce in his step, and sway in his hips; but why? It is because of his newfound coolness; Ben now wears his collar popped. I rival the popped collar fade to that of girls with those hideous huge sunglasses (you know, the ones that look identical to what my nearly blind, 90-year-old grandma wears). Yeah, I went there! Now, I am not going to just pick on Ben here because that would not be fair; there are plenty of other fashionably inept males to rag on. Who am I kidding, I wrote this just for you Ben.
Hey Ben, you should go check yourself out in the mirror. There is just no room in your busy Halo video game playing, Final Fantasy movie watching life for a popped collar. Come on now big guy, we all know you should just go back to wearing that dragon T-shirt of yours, the one that is blowing lightning bolts from his nostrils. That is more your style, I mean who are you trying to fool here? Last time I checked only Elvis Presley was actually at that extreme coolness status where he could pop his collar. Now, all you other wannabes, do the world a favor; STOP POPPING YOUR COLLAR! If this letter doesn’t stop all the collar poppers on campus, I am just going to have to take matters into my own hands – and start wearing my underwear on my head. Yeah, then I will look just as cool as you.
Dan Nutter
Civil engineering junior